This morning, I went to church with my boyfriend and his family. His aunt pulled me aside and warned me not to make-out in public places. She claims to have seen us at the mall food court, kissing and groping eachother yesterday. The problem is, I wasn’t at the mall yesterday, and this is the first time me and my boyfriend are hanging out since last weekend.

So I am taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds which, when mixed with alcohol, increase its effects. So I pretty much black out every time I party. One night I was at my friends house and she was having a kickback but there was a LOT of booze, and I drank a lot of that booze. So before I know it I’m on the couch having sex with some guy. I had obviously blacked out, and come to right in the middle of sex. I did not plan on having sex that night and I didn’t really want to. So, when I came to, needless to say I was pretty surprised. I actually made him stop and I got up and left the room.

He had a little bit too much to drink that night too, so he heads to the bathroom to puke his guts out, where he stayed the rest of the night. Next moments I remember are making out with some other guy, and then I black out again. When I come to this time I’m on that same couch, fucking the second guy. I make him stop too, and get up and leave the room.

I have no idea where he went, but he left the room so I went back to the couch to go to sleep. What makes it worse was both of them were still at the house in the morning… awkward!!!

This morning, I asked my dad for some money to go shopping with. He told me to go into his bed room and grab his wallet from the dresser. Next to his wallet I saw an opened letter with a big cartoon picture of naked people on it. The letter read “Nancy and I REALLY enjoyed you and Allison (my mom) last month, please bring the wife to the house this weekend, 10 couples have already RSVP’d. I’ve heard of this going on im my neighborhood. But never would I have guessed that MY PARENTS are swingers, FUM!

Last night, I was excited because my boyfriend told me that he wrote me a song. He wanted to come over and play it for me so I set up a nice dinner with candles and table cloth. So, he brings his guitar and starts to play his song, and its really romantic, until I realize that the song is about “going our separate ways.” He was breaking up with me. Good moment tunred FUM in no time …

I invited this really hot girl to my suite last night to watch a movie and hang out with me. About half way into the movie, we start making out on the living area couch. Suddenly, my two roomates walk in and one of them yells “Aww Sh*t, I owe you 30 bucks now.” The other roomate says “You sure do, I knew he wasn’t gay.” My roomates bet on my sexuality, they thought I was gay? They have been my best friends for 2 years and one of them was actually dissapointed that I wasn’t gay! Then when I walked my date back to her dorm after the movie, she asked me if I was bisexual. FUMs thanks to my roomates, as* holes!

Today, when I was on facebook, I noticed that the woman of my dreams was “In a Relationship With…” this prick from university. My heart sunk and I felt like a total loser because I actually beleived her when she told me that she wasn’t ready for a relationship and she needed some time to herself. FUMRML!

This morning, before she went to work, I was hoping to have some intimate time with my beautiful fiance. So, while she was watching Headline News in the bed, I started to massage her body, while kissing her soft skin and attempting to take off her night gown. Finally she turns around and when I think she’s going to go in for the kiss she says “Whats your problem! Whay can’t you let me watch the news in peace? Get off of me!” Then she got out of bed and slammed the bathroom door behind her. FUM, I mean damn, I just got home from deployment last night.

Today, I wanted to surprise my girlfriend with my cooking skills. I pulled out one of her cook books and decided to make a shrimp linguini. When she returned from work I was hoping to shock her with the tasty aroma, but she walked in saying, “It smells like ass in here, take out the trash!” Then she got on her phone and didn’t even aknowledge the fact that I had cooked for her. After about 10 minutes of sitting at the dining room table waiting for her, she decided that she wanted to eat at Boston Market.

Yesterday, I decide to treat my boyfriend to a little striptease via webcam. We attend different colleges and he goes to school from home…After some minutes stripping, i was down to my panties when I get a message saying, “this is Chauncy’s dad, just to let you know he’s not in front of the computer, he’s gone to the toilet. Nice tits by the way”

Yesterday, I asked the most beautiful girl to ever even talk to me out to dinner. She actually said yes! I told her that it was her choice and we could go anywhere she wanted. She chose to go to this fancy smancy all you can eat steak house where the meals were like $50 a plate. The night seemed perfect, she said she had so much fun and I was so sweet, smh. Today, she just texted me:

“the food was awesome last night! nobody has ever taken me to that restaurant before, you’re the best! My boyfriend was mad you dropped me off so late though, let’s make it earlier next time!”

So, about four days ago, I was moving out of my apartment and was going to drive from Atlanta to D.C. I took about two of those five hour energy drinks, and drank about three red bulls. About four hours into my drive, I had to take a piss. So, I pulled over at some rest station and immediately headed towards the men’s bathroom. As I am taking a piss, this old guy goes to the piss stall next to me. I suddenly noticed that this guy, while he was taking a piss, was looking at my wand while I was taking a piss. I turned and looked at him. I really didn’t know what to say except “WTF IS WRONG YOU OLD MAN?!!” He didn’t say nothing, and kept on looking at my dick. Finally I was done. I washed my hands and immediately left. I guess I should’ve been the one who was scared but I wasn’t. This old guy had piss/jizz stain leakage all on his pants. Weird and disgusting. FUM!!

Tonight, I was at this chill bar downtown with my girl and some of my closest friends. We’re talking and laughing and enjoying the evening when one of my friends makes a joke about oral sex. I tell him I don’t do it and that its gross. Why does my girlfriend, who is drunk, yell out “He eats me out all the time!” so everyone can hear? I was so embarassed. Everyone was staring and laughing at us. I do eat her out, but I hate that girl.

My pregnant girlfriend was complaining that she can’t shave in certain places now that she’s 6 months pregnant. She says, “I know you don’t like the amazon forest Southbound.” That was a really terrible time for her to say that because i was eating some expensive steak at an expesive restaurant at that moment. I lost my appetite for the food and steak in general after that. FUM

I was trying to hook up with this sorority girl for over a month. After a week of being sweet and charming, convincing her how wonderful I am, she finally said she’d come to a party at my house. Around 2 am the party was finally winding down, and she was spending the night. Unfortunately, I was obscenely drunk and while we were going at it doggie style, I passed out mid thrust. When I woke up, I had the worst case of blue balls ever, and a note from her saying “no wonder girls won’t sleep with you.” Her whole sorority now knows my name.

While I was looking for a file on my boyfriend’s hard drive, I came across photos of a half-naked woman wearing my clothes, but whose head wasn’t really visible. When I demanded an explanation, I realised that it wasn’t another girl – it was him. I effectively broke it off!

Before heading out to a party yersterday, I promised my best friend I wouldn’t let her hook up with any guys because she got her bout of STD a few weeks ago. After we had lots of drinks, she started acting slutty as usual, however when i tried to stop her she led about 30 people in a chant of “cockblock” after I wouldnt let her go home with some random dude. That stupid bitch!

Before  having sex with my girlfriend we agreed that i will pull out to finish. As i tried to do this,  I slipped and ended up punching her real hard in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain.lol

Last night was my girlfriends birthday. I’m broke so my gift to her was that I would do anything sexually that she asked me to. She asked me to put on her lingerie, make-up and a wig, then she just wanted to make out, “no dick” she said. I’m confused.

Today, I caught my daughter in bed (having sex) with another girl. She is 7 years old.  She says the other girl’s mom lets them play like this all the time at “her house”, FUM.

I always thought my boyfriend’s penis was odd looking, but it was the only one I had ever seen, plus he was such a great kisser. Today, I found out that rather than a small penis, he had an enlarged clitoris, thus why he kisses so good. Wow, I gave it head, FUM.